meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
