So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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