SEEEEXXX PLEASE
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
