How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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