I'm going to jail i love you
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
