Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
