I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Randomize
