we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
