I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
