i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
