He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Randomize