You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
