We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
