So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
