Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
