I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
