the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
