Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
