Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
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