Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Randomize
