I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
