Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
You need a sexual gate keeper
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Randomize
