My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
