We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
