Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
