Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
