Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize