Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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