She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
