mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
