WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize