Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
