wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
