i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
