I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
You ate ashes out of my bong
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Randomize
