Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Randomize
