the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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