I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
That accounts for only three of the penises
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize