he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
