from now on my penis is your penis
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
