Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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