so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
