He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
