She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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