She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
