She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Randomize
