last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
