i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
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