I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
