Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
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