You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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