Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
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