out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
