Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
