Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
