Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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