I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Randomize
