is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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