after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Randomize
