She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
