i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
