i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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