THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
