I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Drunk is a universal language darling
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
