I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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