I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Randomize
